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Hey Mary — While I’m sure it was a bit disappointing to find out that the 9 job wasn’t all it seemed to be, it’s also helpful to have total certainty that something isn’t right. It’s being in that middle ground of “I don’t know if this is right or not” that’s maddening, so I’m glad the interview made it abundantly clear that this job is NOT for you. On to the next! 🙂
That’s exciting, Mary! It’s definitely worth seeing if they can be flexible with scheduling and remote working (and also getting clear on their definition of “flexible,” to make sure it matches with yours), especially if it feels like a potential 9 AND it would be a pay raise. I love that you’re going into this interview hoping they’ll sell you on the position, just as much as you’re advocating for yourself and what you bring to the table — that’s how interviews are supposed to be: a 2-way street! A lot of people forget that and only focus on selling themselves, so you’ve got the right approach.
Good luck with the interview! 🙂
Hey Mary,
I think what’s really cool about this is that you put out the strong desire for some forward movement on the job front, and then you immediately got two phone interviews. I know it doesn’t always work out that way, but it’s cool (and validating!) when it does. And, in my opinion, is proof that things are working out for you. 🙂
I’m sorry that your manager is such a bummer. And it’s OK to be frustrated about the nitpicking feedback they gave you! I know it’s easy to say, “Don’t take it personally,” because it often FEELS so personal. But still–so much of what other people say is about them, and their preferences. You’re allowed to nod along and pretend to take them seriously, and then dismiss any feedback that feels unhelpful or just plain unnecessary. And I would totally understand if this feels wrong to you, BUT, you could actually tell them why you don’t ask for feedback. It’s not necessarily wrong to share that you’re open to feedback, but that often the feedback feels (insert your description here…negative, unnecessarily critical, not constructive, etc.). You’re allowed to give feedback on THEIR feedback! Lol.
Hi Caela — I’m so glad you decided to turn to this group for ideas and support! And hopefully you’re already feeling less alone with Mary and Audrey sharing their similar experiences and recommendations.
I have lots of thoughts about what you shared. First of all, it’s SO valuable that you had that experience in Europe of feeling totally passionate and inspired and at-home. That’s exactly what it feels like to be magnetized to something and to feel all of your CDFs at once, and now you without-a-doubt know what a 9/10 feels like (from the Week 4: Action video). The passion you feel for traveling and learning to speak French is the same kind of passion you want to feel for your Firestarter-y vision (maybe not 100% of the time, of course, but definitely sparks of that level of passion).
I also wonder if the visionary Firestarter in you might be putting some extra pressure on you to figure out your entire life plan RIGHT NOW. As in, “What’s the business I’m going to build my career on, or the path I’m going to follow so I can get started ASAP.” Which is a seriously pressure-filled question! Keep in mind that, as a Firestarter, you’ll likely have many ideas/projects that you spearhead over the years, and you might even end up with multiple businesses over the course of your life. Just because Firestarters tend to be a bit more one-track-minded than, say, a Side Hustler doesn’t mean they only want to do one thing with their lives. They’re natural idea generators, so having to commit to one thing forever often feels stifling to their rebellious spirit. So I would suggest that, instead of trying to answer the question, “What am I meant to do with my life?” instead ask yourself, “What do I want to create / what problem do I want to solve / how do I want to make an impact right here, right now, exactly where I am?” Is there something you don’t love about your campus life that you’d like to improve? Do you want to spearhead a group of entrepreneurial-minded people at your school where you can all support each other in coming up with business ideas? Is there a side business you’ve been considering starting, but you’ve held back because you’re not sure if it’s “the one”? I would suggest trying something along those lines to give your Firestarter an outlet to be creative, passionate, and purposeful, even if it’s not the thing you commit to forever. Worst-case scenario: You learn a ton about yourself and have something cool to put on a resume one day. Best-case scenario: Whatever you try leads you into the next thing that you DO want to commit (at least for a while longer).
I would love to hear your thoughts about all of this!
And thanks, Mary and Audrey, for being such great supporters and sounding boards for Caela! This group is so great. 🙂
Hi Mary — It’s totally understandable that you’re not feeling up to getting feedback from a team that rejected you, especially when you don’t want to stay at this company much longer. Sure, they could give some more generalized interview feedback that could be valuable, but it also could be irrelevant and needlessly trigger your gremlin. (I always recommend taking other people’s advice with a grain of salt, anyway.)
I get what your boss is saying, but if it feels this bad to you, then you’re allowed to reject feedback altogether. It’s not a requirement that you ask for / get feedback after an interview, so there’s no reason you need to put yourself into a situation that’s just going to feel bad and not be very helpful anyway.
IF you can go into that meeting with the perspective of, “I’m going to listen to their feedback, but not blindly accept it. I’ll run it all through my internal filter to decide if I think it’s relevant,” then go for it. But if you think it’s not going to be helpful and it’ll just make you resent this place even more, I’d say it’s not worth the energy.
Hope one of the 9/10s you’re looking into works out for you! 🙂
Hey Mary! Wow, it’s amazing how socially dense people can be when it comes to giving feedback. And one day before your interview, too! I know your manager had good intentions and was trying to be helpful, but clearly her “tips” had the opposite effect. I’m sorry you had to listen to all that.
I’m not sure when your interview is today, but if you have time, it might help to review your “Brag Sheet” (from the Dream Job Bundle) to boost your confidence and remember all of the awesome things about YOU and what you’ve done. Plus it’s always helpful to do a written-out gremlin dialogue to soothe your fear before you go into something like an interview that naturally creates a bit of nervousness.
Also, remember that you don’t have to try to “beat” anyone else in this interview process. Trying to position yourself, even subconsciously, as better than the other candidates will just make you feel anxious and inauthentic. So I’d say maintain the same strategy you had before your manager came in and freaked you out because that’s going to reflect the REAL you. And authenticity is the MOST attractive quality you can demonstrate.
You’ve got this! Good luck, and let us know how the interview goes. 🙂
“I really hope that making time for yourself leads you to just continue making more time for yourself.” Love that, Karisa! I wish this for everyone in this group. 😉
Erin — Totally agree that the phrase “fast-paced environment” in a job description is often code for “stressful” (at least to a Thriver!). So you’re smart to be wary of that! And yes, it’s absolutely possible to explain your desire for work-life balance in a way that sounds like a win-win to an employer — you’re happier AND you’re more productive for them. It’s all about how you frame it!
And I don’t think switching fields has to be as challenging as it feels. I’m certain you have more transferable skills that you could highlight than you might realize. (For more inspiration and advice about switching fields, check out Rachel’s recent podcast interview with her client Penni, who gives LOT of great insight into this!)
Can’t wait to hear how your personal at-home painting workshop goes! 😉
