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Hi Kate! Loving the INFJ party that we’re having in here so far. 🙂
I can already tell you have the perfect mindset to get started with this program. It’s clear that you’re poised to make a change — you’re SO ready for something deeper and more authentic — but just need a little direction on where to focus your energy. The good news is, you’re in exactly the right place!
Can’t wait to hear your updates along the way!
Welcome everyone! I’m so excited for this new group.
Like Rachel said, you probably know us pretty well by now, but it’s still fun to say hi and introduce myself!
I’m ALSO an INFJ/P, FireThriver, Ravenclaw (can you see why Rachel and I get along so well??). The Enneagram is where she and I differ, though. I’m a primary Type 9, secondary Type 2 — sooo clearly I have to keep my people-pleasing tendencies in check!
Can’t wait to meet all of you!
Glad re-reading that post was validating!
It’s also normal for your GAILs to get extra loud (especially that gremlin) once you’ve clarified your goals, because now there’s the fear of not reaching them. So I agree that it might be helpful to work back through the Week 1 content about GAILs to see if any new ones have popped up since you originally learned about them.
Love the Veruka Salt reference, BTW — we ALL feel like her sometimes! Haha 🙂
Hi Samantha,
First of all, I’m SO glad to hear that the PPVE gave you so much clarity about what you want career-wise (and just generally life-wise, too!). That’s amazing!
One of the side effects of getting super clear on what you want, though, is exactly what you’re experiencing — impatience! It’s totally normal to be like, “OK, I know what I want, so I’m ready to have it … NOW!” 🙂 Patience isn’t something that humans are particularly good at haha.
I wrote a blog a couple of months ago that might resonate with how you’re feeling right now. It’s essentially about how to be happy with what you have now AND accept the fact that you’re always going to want more. You can read it here — I’d love to know what you think!
I also agree that revisiting your CDFs could be helpful now, too. How can you milk your CDFs in this phase of life, even just a little? How can you joyfully anticipate how they’ll be met EVEN MORE when you have the job, the house, the baby, etc.? Anticipation can feel great, as long as it doesn’t slip into a persistent feeling of lack. Imagine how it feels to anticipate a fun weekend plan or a delicious meal, and see if you can bring that sensation to imagining your future.
You’re clearly on the right track, and now it’s just a matter of letting all the goodness unfold! 🙂
P.S. You just sparked an idea for a podcast episode about impatience, so that might be coming down the pike!
Hey Audrey — I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found something you’re excited to do career-wise! It was actually my client who had her own business designing PowerPoints for companies, so if you’d like for me to introduce you to her, just shoot me an email ([email protected]) with the email address you’d like me to use for the introduction. I’m sure she’d be happy to talk with you!
Thanks for this great update! 🙂
It’s so wild all the stigmas around hobbies and interests, right? If it’s fulfilling your CDFs and bringing you joy and making you feel like the best version of yourself, then who cares if it’s “immature” or “passive” or any of those other labels. I totally feel like my best self when I’m watching my favorite TV shows, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything!
Hey Molly — I’m so glad you came back to update us!
It’s awesome that you’ve been going to marriage counseling and loving all of the insights you’ve been getting in your therapy sessions. Sounds like your therapist is one of the good ones who “gets it” — she’s all about connecting to your values and enjoying the process and not putting pressure on yourself to figure it all out RIGHT NOW.
But when it comes to her reaction to the things that bring Shaun joy, I have to massively disagree with her. Where did this idea come from that certain things that bring you joy “count” (ie. “active” things) and other, more passive things don’t?? If the end point is joy, who freaking cares whether the route to get there included baking or video games? That’s like telling someone they can’t have a certain CDF because it’s not “productive” enough. What?? (Can you tell I’m getting riled up? lol) The point, in the end, is the FEELING. If baking makes you feel joy, and TV makes Shaun feel joy, the end result is two joyful people, and I don’t think there’s a thing in the world wrong with that.
If you ask me, this “active” vs “passive” idea is rooted in a deep cultural limiting belief that if something isn’t “productive,” it’s a waste of time or somehow less valid. This is not such a pervasive limiting belief in ALL cultures — in France and Italy and Denmark (to name just a few!), there’s much more of an emphasis on slowing down, living in the moment, and enjoying the simple joys, regardless of whether they’re “productive” or not. But in America, we’re obsessed with creation and progress and productivity, and it’s stealing our ability to sink into the passive joys of life, which are especially crucial for Thrivers most of all.
That long rant was just to say, if Shaun gets his CDFs met by watching TV and playing video games (along with a lot of the other activities you mentioned, like hiking and walking shelter dogs and podcasts, etc.), then not only is it OK for him to incorporate those things into his life, but I’d argue it’s crucial! It’s a big part of what makes him who he is, and he’s more than allowed to pursue those things. There’s no need for him to find new, different interests/hobbies just because someone made him feel like his aren’t “good enough.”
One more note about therapy and, in particular, Shaun’s feeling that he’s “more broken” for needing additional 1-on-1 sessions with your counselor. Therapy can be extremely helpful for shining a spotlight on your default patterns and ways of thinking/being that you might not yet be aware of. It’s a hugely powerful self-awareness tool, like we talked about with Sara in our recent podcast about coaching vs. therapy. There comes a point for some people, though, when awareness alone starts to get frustrating and might even make them feel more broken than they did before. At that point, it’s crucial to FIRST tell the therapist exactly how it’s making you feel. (So for Shaun, I’d encourage him to tell your counselor about feeling like “the more broken one,” so she’s fully aware and can address that head-on.) And THEN, if nothing changes, check in with yourself to see if this modality is still the right one. It might be that Shaun has gotten as much out of therapy as he can for now. Maybe he’ll realize he needs a break from therapy for a bit (it can be exhausting to keep looking at your “issues” over and over again), or maybe he’s ready to move into something like coaching that’s more focused on what to DO with his newfound self-awareness. Either way, it’s important to do semi-regular check-ins to see if it’s still serving its purpose.
Thanks again for sharing your updates and asking such a great question! Hope this helps you (and Shaun) live even more fully into your Thriver lives! 😉
Hey Kate — great question! Rachel already mentioned several great examples of how Fire-Thrivers she knows have found their own balance of flexibility, stability, and autonomy, and a few client examples are popping up for me, too.
I have a Fire-Thriver client who decided to move to a smaller apartment for a year to reduce her living expenses and save up a good amount of money so she could cut back to working just 3 days a week. The other 2 weekdays, she’s working on building a nutrition coaching business that she hopes to eventually do full-time, but she’s in no rush to put pressure on that to pay for her whole life ASAP.
I have another client who quit his full-time job and now is doing part-time remote consulting work while he develops an online brand. He’s also writing children’s stories on the side and hopes to get a few published, but isn’t putting pressure on that to be a huge moneymaker right now (or maybe ever).
Yet another client of mine decided she wanted to get really serious about investing, so she can retire early — like, in her 40s (she’s really into the FIRE movement — Financial Independence, Retire Early) — and have time and money to create whatever she wants after that.
Obviously there’s no right or wrong way to pursue a career as a Fire-Thriver, but hopefully this sparks some of your own ideas!
Oh Mary, I’m so sorry about your cat. As a huge pet-lover myself, my heart goes out to you. It’s like losing a part of your family, and of course you’re going to be heartbroken. I know it’s particularly tough timing, since you’re just starting this new job, but I’m sure the people there will understand that you need a bit of time to grieve. Be extra gentle with yourself for a while, and remember that it’s OK to lean on your support network more right now. Certain times of day are going to be hardest, when the memories come back stronger (like when you get home from work), so maybe consider asking a friend or family member if they would be willing to talk on the phone with you when you walk back in your house at the end of the day so you feel less alone.
I’m glad to hear the new job is going well! And having two reasons to wear your amazing Halloween costume will give you something to look forward to.
