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Amy — Oh man, I SO get fighting your Passion Profile type! I’ve had lots of clients over the years wish they were a different type, and I’ve even felt the same way sometimes. So far, though, I’ve yet to see anyone change their type by sheer force of will (wouldn’t it be nice, though??), so if you’re a Tribe Member — which, I’d say your CDFs also validate that you are — you’re always going to be seeking more connection and fulfillment from your work than a true Thriver would.
The truth is, like Stacey in the comment above yours, you might be a part-Thriver. But it’s pretty clear that you’re primarily (if not fully) a Tribe Member, which means you’re going to need different things from your work or else you’re going to keep being drained, exhausted, and annoyed by work that feels “meh” most of the time. I even feel like you might be happier at a job with less time off than teaching, but doing work you genuinely care about.
So I’m curious … what kinds of daily work do you imagine would light up your CDFs? What kind of work environment/team would you be excited to be a part of? (Keep in mind, we’ll be getting deeper into this in Week 4, where we’re going to have a whole section about “job searching according to your CDFs,” but it’s something to start thinking about.)
I have a feeling you’ll actually start to love being a Tribe Member when you find the right tribe! 🙂
Stacey — I have a feeling you’re not just a Thriver or a Firestarter, but a combo of both. (Rachel and I are the same way — we call ourselves “FireThrivers,” and I think you’re in the same camp.) BTW, if you haven’t yet watched the bonus video about Passion Profiles, I think that’ll give you even more insight into what it means to have two types. So it makes sense why you have seemingly competing desires for autonomy/freedom and stability. As a FireThriver myself, I can tell you it’s tough to balance the two sometimes, but it IS possible. It might mean structuring your business in a way that it brings in more stable, passive income, while giving you time/freedom to explore more interesting projects within the business. Or it might mean having a some steady part-time work so your business doesn’t have the pressure to make ALL the money, but it still gives your Firestarter room to explore. Just a few ideas!
Also, it’s totally normal to have fears about not having enough money, especially considering the messages you received about money growing up. And while being conscientious about your money certainly isn’t a bad thing, you’re right that it can certainly be taken too far and turn into anxiety, and it’s helpful to know the difference. I would recommend revisiting your GAILs, as they relate to money. What are your limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions, and gremlin messages about money? If you’re having trouble pinpointing them, or questioning them once you recognize them, feel free to bring them back to the forum for some help working through them.
Hope that helps!
Stacey, these CDFs are so powerful! I also love that feeling of immersion, and I like that it’s a composite of so many things for you. That’s a great sign that it’s a true CDF.
I know that you said you only need the “close” feeling in your personal life, not necessarily your work, and that’s totally fine! I do wonder, though, if we expanded the definition of “close” a bit, if you might want to feel close to the people you work with and/or the work itself? Not in the same way you feel close to the people you love most, of course, but just a sense of genuine caring. Just a thought! I’m always down for you finding more ways to feel how you want to feel. 🙂
JoAnn — That’s such a normal experience you’re having with the gremlin. Keep in mind that your gremlin knows exactly what to say to prey on your fears and anxieties, so it can feel incredibly difficult if you find yourself “debating” with the gremlin (as in, trying to prove it right or wrong). Because the gremlin is manipulative! So it’ll try to convince you it’s right, and sometimes you might start to believe it. So instead of trying to prove the gremlin wrong, try bringing compassion, understanding, and reassurance to your gremlin dialogues. The same as you would with a scared child. It’s OK if this is challenging and/or uncomfortable at first. You’re practicing a whole new way of talking to yourself.
It’s also perfectly understandable that you have an assumption about not being liked/accepted. If you haven’t felt accepted in the past, it’s easy to feel like it’s not likely to happen wherever you go. It can be really helpful, though, to remind yourself of 1) all the ways this current situation is different from past situations (totally different people, different work culture, you’ve grown/evolved, etc.), and 2) all of the executions to that experience (the close friends you have made over the years, the people who were friendly and approachable, etc., even if they were more rare). Sometimes, too, assumptions that have perpetuated for a long time turn into gremlins — for example, it might start out as “people don’t like/accept me,” and then turn into “I’m not likable.” At that point, it’s helpful to try something like a gremlin dialogue or the Forever Box exercise from the Week 1 live hangout.
I want to applaud you for taking your time with Week 1 and getting as much as you can out of it. It’s important to go at your own pace with this course! Thanks again, as always, for sharing your experience and asking for the support you need.
These are so great, Dianna! The words are really powerful, and your definitions make it clear when you do (and DON’T) feel these things. Each of these words feels very distinctive, too. Kudos for being willing to declare these out loud! That’s a powerful thing. 🙂
I’m curious — how much are you feeling each of these things day-to-day right now?
Sacha,
Thanks for sharing a gremlin dialogue and some of your GAILs here. I know it’s not fun or pretty to look at the messages your GAILs are telling you all day/every day, but it’s the first step in starting to respond differently. So you’re already making HUGE strides by recognizing these GAILs in the first place!
I agree that there’s definitely a theme around productivity and time management in your GAILs, and Judy likes to connect those things with your worth. I loved how in your gremlin dialogue you didn’t yell or fight with Judy, but I did notice that you agreed with her quite often. I wonder if you could try infusing just a bit more self-compassion into your conversations with Judy. For example, when Judy says, “You only ran 2 miles today,” you could say something along the lines of, “Yes, I prefer to run more when I have time, but at the end of the day, the number of miles I run has nothing to do with how lovable or worthy I am.”
At the end of the day, Judy is just scared of you feeling not good enough and not lovable. So it’s not about the time management or the number of miles you ran or how organized you are — those things won’t actually soothe what’s REALLY scaring Judy. Judy needs reminders that it’s OK to do your best and sometimes fall short, and it doesn’t affect your worthiness as a human being deserving of love (first and foremost, from yourself!).
This is SUCH a hard thing that so many of us struggle with. Judy (just like all gremlins) is just trying to protect you because she thinks if you can get closer to being “perfect,” then you’ll be worthy. But honestly, there’s no such thing as “perfect enough” for a gremlin to be reassured. It needs to know that it’s good enough even when it’s NOT perfect (which is always, because we’re all just mere humans!). Easier said than done, I know, but that’s the work! 🙂 We’re all practicing it together.
Thanks for so openly sharing your GAILs!
More book suggestions for you! Here are the books that tie in with Week 2:
The Desire Map, by Danielle LaPorte: Obviously you already know about this because we’ve talked about it so much. But really, it’s an amazing book/workbook.
The Firestarter Sessions, also by Danielle LaPorte: Danielle wrote this prior to the Desire Map. The subtitle is “A soulful and practical guide to creating success on your own terms.” It’s a great book for budding entrepreneurs, though if you dig Danielle, you’ll like this book regardless of who you are. It’s inspiring and energizing. {And it’s why we dedicated the “Firestarter” passion profile to Danielle!}
That’s so great, Stacey! I would’ve honestly been in disbelief if your gremlin had totally evaporated with one gremlin dialogue, so it’s VERY normal for your gremlin to be persistent and stubborn (especially when you’re first starting this practice). But the fact that you just felt a bit nervous instead of panicked is huge progress! The more you try these, it’ll get easier and faster to soothe the gremlin in the moment, so there’s definitely hope that you’ll be able to quell the panic before your future workshops. The gremlin just needs a little reassurance that it’s all going to be OK!
Thanks for coming back to share how it went! 🙂
JoAnn,
It sounds like you took this job for the same reason that SO many of us try new jobs — because we want something different, so why not give this a try? That’s SO normal, and yet, it can lead you into positions that aren’t aligned with you on a deeper level. That what it seems like is going on here for you. In your gut, this doesn’t feel right, but you’re not sure what to try instead. (Thankfully, we’ll be getting into that in the coming weeks!)
It’s also incredibly normal to care about what other people think of you and worrying if they’re judging you. I think we’ve ALL experienced that, and it can absolutely create social anxiety. If you haven’t yet watched the Week 1 live hangout, definitely check that out and pay extra attention to the part where we talked about “shitty first drafts” — I think you’ll really relate and find that helpful!
Thanks, as always, for sharing how what this is bringing up for you!
JoAnn — I’m sorry to hear you had such a bad day yesterday! If you’re not sure if that’s your sign that you’re not supposed to be in this job, you can always ask the Universe for clarification. As in, “I can’t tell if that was my sign. Can you give me an unmistakable sign one way or another please??”
It’s no wonder you’re feeling stressed at a job that has such an emphasis on accuracy. That’s a lot of pressure! And as a Thriver, pressure is NOT going to be your friend in a job. Most Thrivers I know want a job that has low pressure and high fun & competency. While you can’t change the fact that the job itself comes with the pressure to be extremely accurate, you CAN take a little of the pressure off of yourself while you’re in the training phase. It’s perfectly OK to make mistakes when you’re getting trained! No need to expect perfection from yourself while you’re in training (or really, ever — we’re only human, after all!).
Let us know if you get a clarifying sign about whether this is the right role for you or not!
