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I’m so glad you got a raise, Mary! And I really admire the consistency you’ve been putting into the job search front. It really takes patience and persistence, and often the timeline stretches a lot longer than we’d prefer. You’re sticking in there, and there’s a LOT to be said for that.
I would definitely see what kind of vibe you get from the actual employer. You’re right that it could be the recruiter who’s pushy and aggressive. I’m guessing that talking to the hiring manager might help you feel a lot clearer about whether it’s possible to make this feel like a 9 or 10. And don’t be afraid to ask questions that help you suss that out! And yes, I like the attitude of you allowing THEM to try to make their case to YOU, not the other way around. 😉 Let us know how it goes!
Hi Mary!
Ugh, that’s frustrating! I’m sorry about that. Obviously since Kristen and I don’t have any legal knowledge, we couldn’t advise you one way or another on this with any certainty. BUT, because you’re interested in this position and you’re bummed at the idea of having to turn it down, I do have a thought — It’s possible that you were really honest and transparent and told your employer that you wanted to leave, and asked them to drop that piece of the agreement, that they might be willing to change things up for you. People can be more decent than we expect sometimes! That said, it might be worth consulting with a lawyer or someone with legal expertise in this field, just so that you fully understand your options before you take any action and/or completely write this off. There may be options neither you nor I have considered! Keep us posted. 🙂
Hey Audrey!
I think you’ll love Daring Greatly. If you do, I would definitely continue on with the series (Rising Strong, then Braving the Wilderness). They really build off of each other and together pack a real punch! 🙂
Hey Erin!
This conversation is reminding me of a blog I wrote a while back about ideas for how to take a sabbatical from working, so I thought I’d share: http://clarityonfire.com/take-a-sabbatical/
I TOTALLY understand the catch-22 you’re in; I remember it so well on a personal level. You don’t have the energy for doing the 1 thing that might help you get out of your situation and, therefore, get you more energized! I have a few thoughts about what you shared:
– Don’t be afraid to fire your therapist and find a new one. I’ve found that a lot of therapists (not all, there are plenty of good ones out there) have this approach that’s SO focused on the past, and examining why things happened. That can be a good strategy for some people, but a lot of people (particularly the kind of people I end up meeting) find that, over time, it’s frustrating to keep focusing on what went wrong, and why the wound was created in the first place. At some point, you just want to move forward! And who cares where the wound came from? So if therapy is only bringing you down because you keep focusing on the wound, but making no progress, then please know that you don’t have to do it anymore, and that you could find someone who has a more dual coaching/therapy model (they exist!. Anyone who understands the value of forward movement and actually changing (not just talking about why you haven’t* changed) is a better fit than the person who keeps asking you to explore how things got screwy, but never actually helping you feel better.
– I want to challenge, just a little, the idea that you have NO idea what kind of bridge job might be a better fit for you. You made a non-negotiables list, you explored your Core Desired Feelings. You may not be 100% clear on where you’re going and what you want, but you basically have a Master’s degree in what you DON’T want, and that’s worth something! You may not always be able to do a clear and refined search for what you DO want, but based on your experiences in the working world thus far, plus some of the work you’ve done here, I think you’d do better at you think at recognizing a good fit when you see it.
– When it comes to remote work, Eryn (from this round of the PPVE) had some great ideas and resources in one of her posts. (I can’t recall exactly where she said it, but if you scroll up and click on her name, you can see all the posts she’s ever made and find it that way). There may be some good ideas in there that you haven’t considered!
– I am ALL FOR the idea of people taking breaks from working (hence the blog I shared with you above). Here’s what I suggest: Pretend that you are DEFINITELY going to take a sabbatical from working. Instead of wasting a lot of time saying, “That won’t work,” it can be a really good exercise to make yourself ask, “HOW could I make this work?” If you had to, what would you do? How would you find health insurance? How long would you feel comfortable going before you needed to get a part-time or full-time job? Asking yourself HOW rather than just saying “I can’t” is SO powerful, because it forces us to be creative. And the cool thing is, our brains are naturally wired to be problem-solvers. So if you give it a problem to solve, it’ll be thinking about it non-stop, even when you’re not actively focused on it. So you may stumble upon ideas you’d NEVER have had, if you allow your brain to chew on an “imaginary” problem. (I’d recommend reading that blog first, then doing this experiment). In general, I think you deserve a break. You’re tired, you’re craving it, and you owe it to yourself to at least explore the *possibility* of taking one (even a short one).
Keep us posted, of course! 🙂
Hey Erin,
Ugh, it is SO understandable that you came back from your vacation more depressed than you began. I’ve seen this a lot — there’s often a “vacation hangover” effect of coming back to the real world, particularly when what we’re coming back to is something we don’t enjoy.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to take a deep breath, and maybe take a brief pause from job searching. I cannot emphasize ENOUGH the futility of job searching when you’re panicked and anxious. It may help to re-watch the Week 4 Part 2 Live Hangout for more reinforcement of this, but just to drive the point home — Job searching when you’re in the dumps is like trying to swim upstream. It is SO hard. It expends SO much energy.
So, what can you do to get back into a bit more alignment? Maybe you need a well-deserved movie night. Or a bath. Or an exercise class. Or a nice long chat with a friend. Literally ANYTHING that raises your energy and soothes your soul is ideal. It’s a lot easier to come back to a job search when you’ve prioritize alignment first, THEN action. Taking action without any form of alignment is going to be a slog.
I also get the sense that, because you’re so ready to get out of this job, you’re getting frustrated REALLY quickly with the process of job searching. This is totally understandable (I mean, the process of job searching isn’t fun regardless of your situation). And … it’s probably putting SO much extra pressure on you, because you’re in a state where you want the next job to sort of “save” you from your current situation.
I just want to remind you that finding the next job and finding a DREAM job do NOT have to be one and the same. If your current situation sucks so much that you needed to quit like, yesterday, then maybe a bridge job is the way to go. Maybe you won’t have the clarity and mental space you need until you take something that’s better than where you’re at, but doesn’t have to be the dream job. We can’t force a dream job to come; they’re on their own timeline. So if the process of waiting for a dream job is taking too long (understandable; they’re rare, so they don’t pop up as often), then a bridge job could be a good way to remove the pressure while still making progress.
Also, slightly counter to my last point (but I like to cover all my bases), remember that there’s nothing wrong with combining what you love with how you make money, even when you’re a Thriver. It’s more important to consider whether you’d have stability, flexibility, and whether it would be able to meet your CDFs. If all of those things were true, then it might be totally fine for you to focus on pursuing something you enjoy as your job, like working with animals.
Lastly, I think you’re worrying about logistics WAY too soon. If you’re curious about the idea of grad school, then feel free to explore that curiosity! The logistics of “can I afford that?” and “how would I support myself?” are things you can consider later. They shouldn’t stop you from at least looking into the possibilities. Honestly, when someone decides they want to do something, typically they figure it out as soon as they stop saying “*should* I do this?” and start saying, “*how* could I make this work?” It sounds like your experience in the jungle brought you back in touch with a desire you once had. Maybe it’s still something worth pursuing, maybe not. But you’ll never know unless you really deeply explore it. I think right now, you haven’t spent NEARLY enough time looking into grad programs, as well as wildlife jobs in Colorado, to be certain that A) They don’t exist or B) You couldn’t do it or C) You don’t want to do it. You owe it to yourself, and that kid who ended up changing her major, to see what you might discover.
Whew, I’ll leave my novel here, though I could go on! 😉
I hope your interview went well, Eryn! I’m intrigued to see how it went! And honestly, I think it’s totally fine that you felt “clueless,” as you said, even though you’d prepped a lot. At the end of the time, we can prepare and prepare and still never know how something is going to go. Which is why, in my book, the best thing you can do is just be honest, show them your authentic personality, ask questions that are meaningful to you, and let the rest be left up to the Universe. I’m a big believer (in dating, and in job interviewing, and all other areas of life) that you can’t mess up the right thing. You can only “mess up” things that weren’t right for you (or not the right *time* for you) anyway.
That little bit of synchronicity between your cousin and Brene Brown is so cool! I think that’s a sign that reading Brene Brown is a good thing for you to be doing! 😉
Keep us posted!
Hey Lolita!
You know, what’s interesting that you posted a comment, and then you sort of came back and answered your own question in your next comment! I think you’re realizing that it’s normal for fear to creep in to our everyday lives; but dimming that fear (and becoming less likely to act on that fear) has a LOT to do with how aligned we are with how we want feel; AKA getting really clear on our CDFs and making decisions from *that* place. Nothing is ever a 100% surefire solution to fear, because fear is a human characteristic and we wouldn’t WANT to get rid of it totally. But the clearer we are about how we’d rather feel, the easier it gets to not get paralyzed and take action that doesn’t actually reflect who we are.
And YES to everything you said — your fear is very likely creeping up *because* you’re changing, and it’s trying to keep a hold on you. So it’s totally natural! But you can move past it by acknowledging, “Ohh, OK. I’ve been here before. This is just my old fear rearing its head because I’m doing something new and different. Hello there. Thanks for sharing, but I’m fine. We’re fine!” 😉 It takes practice, but I think you’re doing great!
Happy belated birthday, Mary! And Lolita, you’re so sweet for checking in on Mary and asking how her birthday was!
Mary — I wouldn’t be too concerned that you haven’t heard back from anyone yet. Given that Thanksgiving is coming up, people are often slower to do interviews and make hiring decisions in November/December. I’m also thinking of a client recently who got a job but didn’t hear anything for like, 6 weeks!
Lolita — I love that you’ve become aware of the fact that you’ve got to stay tuned in and consistent to having those conversations with your gremlin and focusing on your self-awareness, or else you find yourself slipping into old habits. That’s really normal! It takes practice and consistency to get to the point where this stuff becomes more second-nature. You’ll get there! Giving yourself a daily habit of checking in is helpful–it could be meditation, journaling, a gratitude practice, keeping a log of good things that happened that day, or anything. Whatever you do to reach that higher-frequency place on a daily basis will help a LOT in keeping your momentum going. 🙂
Hey Erin!
So glad you’re getting into some of the recommended books! I love Brene Brown so much. What she writes about is SO needed and very timely!
I like that you’re breaking up your searches into 10-minute “snack size” bites. That’s a really good way to keep your momentum but not go crazy. And I love that you discovered a potential interest in combing work with your love of travel (and planning for travel!). I don’t think it could hurt to look into what kind of positions there are in travel these days, and YES, having an informational interview would be a really good way to get an insider’s take into the industry. And I don’t think it’s true that no one uses travel agents anymore! I, for one, would probably not want to plan a big trip on my own, especially if I were going to a country where I didn’t speak the language. I think there’s definitely still a market for that kind of thing.
That said, I wonder if your interest in travel–and planning for travel–might stretch beyond the obvious. Enjoying planning things in a detail-oriented way; putting together schedules and itineraries, etc.–those are things that you can do in a lot of ways that extend beyond travel. And I would imagine that a lot of support roles (Project Coordinators and that kind of thing) might do things like that as their whole job! Something for you to keep in mind, and maybe consider looking into. 🙂
