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Ooh I love that your burned the old negative stuff, Karisa! That’s such a fun, powerful way to release old energetic junk. And I also love that you made my message your wallpaper, though I’m sure it isn’t the prettiest wallpaper you’ve ever had, lol! I’m sure it gets the job done though. 😉 I think having faith, especially when things are taking forevvvvver to work out, is one of the biggest pieces of heavy lifting that we do as humans. Actually, I just got an email from a former client who did the PPVE 2 years ago, and she was super excited to tell me that she starts her 10/10 dream position later this month, and that even though it took a long time she’s REALLY glad she waited and didn’t give up hope. Not saying it has to take that long for everyone, but I thought it was cool that she didn’t have any regrets about the process, and is glad things worked out the way they did. Just a little example that other people are going through this too, and that it does work out! 🙂
Hey Mary! You’re always welcome to rant. I’m sorry that you didn’t get this position, and I think it’s very understandable that you feel your confidence has taken a hit lately. I believe that struggling (and sometimes falling short) to reach our goals is a necessary part of life, but it often doesn’t feel good when you’re in the middle of your journey, which you very much are. I always think of Thomas Edison creating 1,000 versions of the lightbulb before one actually worked. And now it’s easy to forget about allllllll the trials and errors that came first, in light of (bad, unintentional pun, lol) his ultimate success. But he needed those trials to figure it out! And I’m sure he got frustrated in the middle, too. And probably wanted to give up many times.
I’m glad you’re going to see your therapist, too! Having someone to vent to is usually very helpful.
One last thing — it sounds like you’re trusting a lot in your own power right now, which is natural. But (at least this is what I believe) you’re not alone, in a larger sense. The weight of making life work out for you is not solely on your shoulders. In times like these, I like to “outsource” my problems to the Universe itself. I make a list with a title like, “The Universe is my CEO” or “my recruiter” or even “my matchmaker” and list the things that I want to happen, or problems that feel impossible to solve, and conclude by putting it in the hands of a force bigger than me, who can see possibilities that me, in my limited human capacity, just can’t quite fathom.
There IS a 9 or 10 out there. There IS an ideal situation for you. Even if you can’t quite see how it’s going to happen, it CAN happen. But sometimes we need to get out of our own way and LET it happen. And outsourcing to the Universe is a fun way to release your grip on the outcome and relax a little in the knowledge that something else is taking care of the hardest, most confusing parts on your behalf.
Maybe that’s your style, maybe not. It’s OK if it doesn’t resonate! Just thought I would share. 🙂
Hey Mary — It’s a challenge for ALL of us to stop nitpicking and replaying what we did or didn’t say/do over and over again. Again, I think that partially stems from a fear of getting it “wrong” and irrevocably messing your life up. It’s your gremlin trying (not doing a very good job, but trying nonetheless) to keep you safe. It’s fine to look back and assess how you could have done differently (just without the lens of hyper-critical judgment and self-effacement)! Enjoy your cupcake! 😉
Hey Mary!
Wow, I’m not surprised you’re stressed by this process. That’s pretty high pressure for an interview! And while it’s totally normal to play it all back in your mind and pick apart how you did, keep in mind that the tendency to do that is coming from a place of believing that you ultimately have the power to screw yourself over. And while I know that most people DO believe that, I honestly don’t. I think if this is genuinely a good fit for you and the team, then making a few flubs won’t be a deal-breaker. I doubt they expect people to sail through that experience with no stumbles. In fact, I bet part of the point is to have you flub up, so they can see how you respond to making mistakes or being unsure of yourself.
If this is right, it’ll work out. And if it isn’t, I’m guessing you’ll have dodged a bullet, even if you can’t see why at first. But from what you’ve told us, you’ve done a really good job! You taught something on the fly, which is NOT easy to do, and you had great rapport with a lot of the people you spoke with. Also, you’re not being as tempted as you might have once been to doubt your abilities. You did a great job just in this post of making a case for why you actually ARE experienced when it comes to managing multiple projects and saying “no.” So for what it’s worth, it’s clear that your confidence is increasing and that you see your own value. That’s a really powerful thing! 🙂
Hi Mary!
Sorry that I didn’t see this update until now! I’m glad you got feedback so that at least you now know what they were looking for. And I think taking on extra tidbits of work is a fine line to walk. If it really is “tidbits” (AKA it’s manageable, and not straining you), then I do think that it can be helpful to take on extra responsibilities, because it allows you to broaden your skills and gain more experience that you wouldn’t have otherwise had. But if it’s too much (especially considering you won’t be getting paid extra), then you’re absolutely allowed to decline!
I love that you’re going to explore making money on YouTube, as well as allowing yourself to take a vacation! (I also think it’s cool that you can make our own bathing suit–I wish I was that crafty!). I know it’s hard sometimes to focus on other things besides your work situation, but you’re doing a really good job of not letting it consume your whole life. I really think that the more resistance we can release around something (AKA, the more we can relax and look at other things that are going well in our life), the easier it is to resolve the situation. 🙂
Hey Mary!
First of all, you’re NOT back on square 1. And you never are, even if it seems that way. Think of life progress like winding your way up and around a mountain. There are times when the vantage point looks exactly the same, but you’re actually higher up. You THINK it’s the same; but you’ve actually made a lot of progress. That’s exactly what’s happening with you. Most of us can’t get what we want without falling on our butts over and over again. We build the strength we need to make the journey (physical or figurative) with all of the attempts that came before.
And it’s totally understandable that this is triggering you! I actually wrote a blog about this EXACT subject that’s coming out this Tuesday. Good timing! Make sure you read it. But, in a nutshell — Having a letdown of some kind (or a life transition, or ANY number of things) can trigger a spiral. It’s tempting to take our thoughts super seriously when we’re in a spiral. But they’re not accurate at all! The thoughts you’re having about not having any dates is a product of the disappointment and vulnerability you felt about this job situation; it’s not a reflection of your true self. It’s a symptom of an earlier disappointment. Keep that in mind! It’s so important not to take ourselves super seriously when we’re in a bad mood.
It’s good that you’re going to get the opportunity to see what you did well and what you could “improve” on. Have a filter up when you go in to that conversation, though. Obviously you want to be open to personal growth, but feedback is also very subjective. So remember that people’s feedback is, first and foremost, a reflection of what THEY value. If you want to take what they say to heart, fine. But if you don’t share their value system and don’t agree, then you don’t need to feel badly about yourself.
Keep us posted!
Hey Kelly!
I’m glad you’re enjoying the podcast! We’re having a lot of fun with it, and it’s so good to hear that people are getting a lot out of it. 🙂
So I want to reassure you that it is TOTALLY normal that you’re still in the process of searching for a job. Honestly, as frustrating as it can be, there is often no rhyme nor reason to the timing of these things. I’ve had people find the perfect job in 1 week, and I’ve had them report back after 2 years saying they finally found the right fit. Obviously none of us WANT things to happen slowly for us; but often in hindsight we look back and are grateful for the way things unfolded. Maybe we realize that we learned a ton and clarified a LOT, to the point that if we’d gotten a job sooner, it might not have been the best we could have imagined. Or maybe we weren’t as ready as we thought we were. Or the timing just wasn’t right yet–the perfect job wasn’t ready for US, because someone else hadn’t moved on or allowed that role to be vacated.
First and foremost, I think any job searching process is an ultimate test of faith. Can you believe in something that you can’t yet see, and aren’t sure actually exists? Can you allow yourself to get frustrated and downtrodden sometimes, but still rally and come back to a place of faith and belief in yourself over and over again? If so, that’s the kind of emotional “muscle-building” that life is all about. I don’t think that, as a rule, life is designed to give us what we want immediately (even though as humans we clearly wish it were). Because that would teach us absolutely nothing! And also, instant gratification is not nearly as satisfying as working your way toward something.
So, all of that is to say that you are on the path! You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just in that “in between” phase where you’re putting in the solid, consistent effort that’s building toward a satisfying result. It’s OK that you don’t know when that result will manifest in real life, but I hope you’ll think of it as WHEN, not IF it happens. I think we bog ourselves down when we start thinking in terms of IF, rather than in terms of WHEN.
And as for more encouragement, think about how much you know about yourself that you didn’t know a few months ago! You know that you want to be in a learning environment. You know that you don’t want to be a teacher. You know that you need something oriented for a Tribe Member. You know you need to be making a more measurable impact. And you’ve taken that knowledge and are following the thread of curiosity — You’re taking some courses to brush up on your skills and volunteering. I know it’s frustrating to be putting in the work and not yet seeing any clear payoff; but that’s typically how this whole thing works! You plant the seed and tend to it consistently, and eventually it blooms into something you can see and touch. But even though you can’t yet see the “fruit of your labor,” so to speak, that doesn’t mean that nothing is happening!
It sounds like you’ve got a couple of assumptions/limiting beliefs popping up around this (understandably) — “I’ll need a master’s degree” and “The longer I was out the harder it will be to get back in.” It’s natural why you’d be anxious about that, because your brain has plenty of “evidence” that that’s “true.” But let’s question those a little. How true is it that EVERY job will require a master’s degree? How reasonable is that, really? And how true is it that EVERYONE will care that you’ve been out of the workforce for a while? How likely is it that someone might not care? Or that you might be hired by another woman who totally understands you being a mom and needing to have taken a break? Or that maybe they care more about hiring the right PERSON than hiring you for the consistency of your resume? Sometimes the best way to swat down GAILs is to poke holes in them. So try to poke some holes in these!
I hope this helps. I know how annoying and drudging this process can be. But you’re doing really well! And everything you’re going through is normal. Though I feel for you, none of this gives me pause or makes me worried that you’re doing something wrong, or won’t eventually end up where you’re meant to go. I have faith that you will! 🙂
That is good news! I’m sorry your kitty scratched you, though. Maybe you can lighten the mood by making a joke about it? lol. It’s good to hear that they have flexible hours! I agree that you’ll get a much better feel for them once you can talk in person. Let us know how it goes! 🙂
Hey Audrey! You can feel free to email us at [email protected] 🙂
