[SachaSalazar]

One more thing…I had a moment the other day when I had an anti-GAIL and I was like WOAH!

I wanted to name it, too, not like how I named my Gremlin but I wanted to label it. I thought of “mogwai” because of the movie “Gremlins” but those things were crazy. No sunlight, no bright lights, no food after midnight? Too finnicky.

So I ask you Krachel, what do you call the times when the thought in your head is positive and supportive, or an anti-GAIL? I know it is sort-of sad that I actually was surprised to have one of those but I recognized it and was like, oh HELL yes. I want to acknowledge those moments and like the law of attraction kind of goes, focus on them and give energy to appreciating and really accepting them.

Thanks,
Sacha

[SachaSalazar]

Stacey, it sounds like you took care of yourself and put yourself first, listened to that voice inside your head and followed it. Awesome! I did that the other day (I don’t remember what it was) and I was shocked to “hear” that my inner voice wanted to do the exact opposite of what I thought/should have done. I did what my inner voice said and I was happy.

[SachaSalazar]

I just want you to know that you are not alone in being “behind” in the PPVE work. I have Weeks 4 and all the bonus stuff and job bundle (?) left to get through. I am taking my time since this is all so new to me, too. Hang in there…I also fully intend to re-watch the videos and review my notes (yes, I am taking notes since I have so many “aha” moments) at least once more.

[SachaSalazar]

Hi all,

I’ve taken some time off from the course and I’ve just finished Week 3 and the Passion Profile bonus episode. I have read all the comments and feel really great that we are all in this together. I know that I don’t know anyone personally but it is amazing how one of my CDFs is connection and I’m getting a lot of it here. I don’t feel like it is “misery loves company” but more like “birds of a feather flock together” – we are all trying our best to self-improve and it ain’t easy.

I have taken the PP quiz 4 times over the last year. Once before the personal IED that exploded in my life, and three times since then. So in one year I came out with Thriver – 3, Side Hustler – 1. I really connected (haha no pun intended, re: CDF) the part in the bonus episode about missing lunch and having to eat at my desk. I have always hated that and in my last job there was probably one time every two months that I got to eat outside or with a co-worker instead of rush through lunch at my desk. The best part was that the school cafeteria is amazing and the food was free. I also recognized that I am the second type of Thriver, the one without a discernible passion who just likes to live life to the fullest. I was getting scared that I needed a passion to occupy my time outside of work, since work is definitely not my passion, so it was reassuring to hear that I am okay without that. The parts of side-hustler (which I think I am like 15%) that resonated with me are the focus on learning and newness, difficulty maintaining balance, and analysis paralysis. I combine that with my enneagram type 8 which is really a soul child 2, but I thought I was more like a type 5 in this area. The soul child of type 5 is 8 so maybe I really am a somewhat developed 8 with 5 parts and 2 parts? I digress….

The money exercises were interesting but this past year has been so strange financially that I can’t really count on it as a reflection of what I am truly like. I’ve spent more on myself this past year than I have in the previous 8 years combined and it felt good, but a little like controlled recklessness. March 14 marks one year to the day that my (now ex-) husband returned and completely upended my life. I’ve got a foothold again emotionally, spiritually and financially so I am sure I’ll get back to my old patterns of behavior for the most part. One thing that will continue on is the money I spend on going out at night, to sporting events, traveling, fitness classes, theater, and travel. Now that I on’t have my kids for 5 day stretches I occupy my time with friends and dates and travel in a way I just never did before. So that is here to stay 🙂 My money story is unique as I am sure all of ours is, but it isn’t anything that I’ll share here since I don’t believe there are too many issues with it. I will say that the exercises have proven to confirm what I already suspected, but they were worthwhile and I am glad I did them.

I really liked the question of what does wealth/richness/abundance mean to me, and I’ve shared my answers below. + means I am meeting that part of the definition, 1/2 means I am sort-of meeting it, and – means I am not meeting it at all.
1. I can do what I want without worrying +
2. I am getting paid to do work I like –
3. Having my health +
4. Making sure the kids can do the activities they want 1/2
5. Being able to give my kids the experiences I want 1/2
6. Knowing what is happening with the money I do have, being smart again and not ignorant 1/2
7. Saving for retirement –
8. Having gratitude for what we *do* have +

March 14 is on Saturday so let the final weekend of extravagance begin (on Thursday night, when the kids are with their dad!)

As always, thank you for reading 🙂

[SachaSalazar]

I immediately checked out the (large print – ha!) version of GDM’s book Love Warrior and – woah. That lady is almost literally writing my story. I do not have an alcohol or drug addiction, and I’m not bulimic, but I can’t say that I haven’t numbed my pain with sex, alcohol or food. That would be a big, fat lie. Eerily similar also are details of her mom-life stories, her husband’s infidelity, and her almost immediate hatred of her minivan and what it symbolizes made me laugh, weep and feel like this will be one of the books that changed my life. The last one was was “The Awakening” by Kate Chopan (which I read in 1995!). Thank you for this amazing book suggestion.

[SachaSalazar]

I am one of your listeners who goes back and reviews podcast titles to see if they are relevant to me now and if I think they are I listen to them. I’m actually excited that you are shifting from airing mostly new/current episodes/blogs and instead twice a month will dig up and replay/repost things from the show archives. Anyway, while scrolling I saw this one and when I read the description I could not believe the connection: SIDE CHAT: A MIND-BLOWING, TIME-BENDING ANALOGY (Oct 19, 2018). In this episode you speak of a technique that Tara describes in her book – the future you/life force/spiritual being taking care of the current and/or past you. Mind blown. Thank you.

[SachaSalazar]

I feel like I am all over the place with this forum posting but I couldn’t pass up sharing this experience with the group.

A while back I was listening to old CoF episodes and I heard Rachel (?) endorse Abraham Hicks. I quickly googled his videos and it has been a tab on my phone since then.

Today I listened to a CoF episode and was blown away by this part, so much so that I posted the following on FB (which for me is a big deal since I rarely post):

Resilience is built on the ability to vacillate, allowing yourself to truly grieve what is going on in your life, and the ability to confront the situation and continue to complete the necessary tasks that have to get done in order for life to continue…you have to make room for both. If you stay in one or the other too long you risk either getting bogged down with nothing other than grief and negativity and really just hitting rock bottom and staying there, or you become such a task-master and you never allow yourself to grieve anything that over time, that might work for a little bit, but you are gonna eventually get to this point where something, and it could be a very small thing, sets you off and then all of that stuff you buried comes up, like a storm, like a perfect storm, that you can’t control because you’ve never dealt with all these other things. So you have to allow yourself the opportunity to kinda do both simultaneously and balance the two.
– Interview with Lauren Mowbray
– Clarity on Fire Podcast episode #89, “moving past the worst years of your life,” February 8, 2019

Apparently a college friend who I haven’t seen in years (and with whom I am vacationing in a few weeks) saw it and then DMed me this:

I can give you people to follow or listen to their podcasts, youtube stuff. If you do Kelli Cooper- start from the beginning, I think she has about 180 podcasts (all around 15-20 minutes). For better background, I usually google Abraham Hicks and put it on videos- and listen.

Over I go to the KelliCooper podcast and scroll back to her first episode. Wouldn’t ya know that I was mouth-open surprised when I heard her refer to limiting beliefs and the idea that what and how we think cosmically takes a backseat to how we *feel*.

Mic drop.

Kelli’s podcast episode one:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-made-to-order-podcast-episode-1-4-misconceptions/id1028853679?i=1000381584165

[SachaSalazar]

Hi all,

I just watched the week 2 live hangout and finished most of my week 2 workbook. Here are my CDFs:

A. Connected (sorry to the Krachel introverts) – being part of a team, the feeling of inclusion into a decision-making environment, being a person who is a “go-to” member of an organization who can help others, feeling like I can approach others for advice or assistance.

B. Authentic – when I know that what I am doing is morally right; when I can stand behind my work and know that it is just and fair; when I can be who I am in the workplace and not feel “too much” by having to hide some parts of myself; an org culture in which people are individuals, not robots.

C. Positive – when I was in the Collections team at DM and at the EFIC in Colombia. The feeling of mutual satisfaction when a job is done well, by a team of people doing their individual parts. Being in an environment in which people are getting what they need, there is little complaining, there is not a lot of humor to cover up disappointments; when the topic or theme of what I’m actually doing is to bring about positive change to people, not like intel when it was negative and boring, or HR which is reactive and protectionist, and rarely has authentic moments in which we can uplift and help employees.

D. Purpose – my work has meaning, it makes a difference, it matters whether or not I accomplish my tasks; also, I am purposeful in that I am intentional and deliberate in matters at work and proactive, rather than reactive. I see this as being related to a mission, I need to connect with the mission and vision of an organization and feel that my being there is purposeful.

E. Grounded – I feel this way when I am fully prepared and trained to do the job, when I feel capable and calm to give my best effort and produce the highest results. I can give the work my full attention if I am grounded and not distracted by things; I feel ready to face the challenges of the day knowing that I have the skills and ability to handle the work and that others around me feel the same about me.

** the part of the “live” (haha) hangout when Rachel discussed her client’s explanation of connected and purposeful really gave me a new understanding of what these two mean to me. In addition to my original definitions above for:
Connected – I want to see and make connections in my work, to analyze and synthesize information and come to a conclusion.
Purposeful – I’ve felt “on the outside” and full of the “I should feel full of purpose in this job/organization/industry” when I really haven’t. I was in the USAF, worked in Education, and in the non-profit world, all very worthy causes that are full of purpose. I have been scratching my head wondering why all these people around me seem energized and inspired by the purpose of their work when all I really feel is…..(crickets) in that way of looking at purpose.

I have two notebook pages filled with ideas of things I can do RIGHT NOW that will help me feel more of these things in my life. For many of them I wrote “keep doing…” or “continue thinking…” – not necessarity new but for me the acknowledgement of the fact that these DO help has impact.

Thank you so much!

[SachaSalazar]

Hi Kristen,

Thank you so much for that thoughtful response. When I looked back at the initial Gremlin Dialogue and it was about productivity (or lack thereof). I tried what you suggested and here is what happened:

Judy (my Gremlin’s name, no idea why, it just came to me) – Sacha, you only ran 2 miles today. That isn’t going to get you healthier or help you fit into the clothes you wore last spring.
Me: yeah but I ran 2 miles and I almost didn’t go
Judy: yeah but you should have organized your time better today and then you would have been able to run for longer.
Me: true but I did accomplish other things that needed to be done
Judy: it is no wonder you feel so out of shape and can’t fit into those clothes – you put yourself last and can’t manage your time well
Me: yeah that is true, I did not run as long as I wanted to but it felt good to at least make the choice to run outside near my house even though it was drizzling instead of wasting 20 minutes getting to and back from the gym and running on the treadmill.
Judy: If you don’t go to the gym every day then you will never make progress on your goals to lose weight.
Me: I like going to the gym, running, working out, dancing, swimming and it is true that I don’t prioritize those things.
Judy: it is your own fault. you don’t have a job so you have all the time in the world and you waste it on other things.
Me: it is true that I get disappointed when a day goes by and I haven’t moved my body in a healthy way at all.
Judy: you used to set priorities and accomplish them and you used to work out when you said you would. you can’t keep your own commitments.
Me: I do keep on making the same mistakes in terms of time management and always, always end up rushing and then i never have time to look my best.
Judy: if you have all this fancy makeup and jewelry and you don’t make time to wear it then what is the point? you haven’t even gotten a jewelry box and it has been on your to-do list for months
Me: yes, that is true, there are tons of things on my to-do list and I need to get them done. there isn’t enough time!!
Judy: well, there is enough time but you waste it and can’t manage it well.

It seems that there is a theme emerging with regards to productivity, time management and organization. I do still feel very connected to the idea that I place a disproportionate amount of value on appearance but I think underneath that is this frustration that I could be a part of “that” crowd, or find the “perfect” balance of present-ability, but I don’t have my head screwed on straight and I just keep running around like a crazy person. This is odd to me since many, many people think I am super organized. The joke is that I know where every single item in my house is at all times (and I have three kids ages 8 and younger!)

Again, thank you for reading and responding to my original post. I’m excited to dig deeper into my GAILs, specifically around this topic:
Limiting Belief: – I can’t find a job that makes enough money and drop-off/pick-up my kids and workout every day.
Assumption – that if I lose weight and get in shape I will always gain it back and stop working out
Interpretation – unless I work out for at least 30 minutes it isn’t worth it
Gremlin – – that once I “get/do/realize xyz THEN I can do what I really want” because I’m not good enough or ready now

So the irony as I see it here is that I am setting myself up to fail with this GAIL. If I don’t make constant progress towards my goals to work out, keeping in balance with the demands of a worthwhile job and raising my kids as a newly single mom, and I don’t keep it up all the time for fear of stopping and sliding backwards in terms of progress and upwards in terms of the scale, and if it isn’t a specific way of working out (because to me it feels ‘less than’ if I work out for 10 minutes on my app or my FitBit) then I will never be allowed to get what I really want, since I’ll never “get there” in terms of improving my health, weight and overall appearance. I feel like I’m not good enough right now, I am not worthy of nice things, which gets reinforced when I don’t work out according to this schema. Ughhhhhhh these freakin’ GAILs. Dammit Judy!!

[SachaSalazar]

I just snagged a copy of Tara Brach’s Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of R.A.I.N., and I can’t put it down! It is amazing how sometimes the right book falls into the right hands at the right time! She is the founder and a senior type manager at the Center for Mindful Living in Washington, DC (where I live) and here is what her website says about RAIN: an easy-to-learn four-step meditation that quickly loosens the grip of difficult emotions and limiting beliefs. Yeah, see what I did there? 😉 Oddly enough, I put myself on the DCPL waitlist a few months ago after hearing about this book from a different podcast and I have had it checked out for almost three weeks. I decided to read it on my weekend jaunt to NYC (what else to do on the 4-hour bus ride?) and I almost fell out of my icky blue fabric seat when I realized the connection to the PPVE.

[Author]

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