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Hi!
I hope everyone is safe and surviving! Something has come up for me this week, and I felt it pertinent, as I go through Week 4 and have been prepping for the slowdown of work. I still have work but it has slowed to a crawl. This week I have been working to prepare a schedule for slow work times and for possible work from home situation. I can’t work remote, there would be nothing for me to do, so essentially if it comes to it, they would pay me to sit at home. I am already seeing an abundance of free time. I am not great at it, but I am trying to set up my calendar to make sure that I am productive and getting to things like PPVE work or further self development, or doing job research. My problem is, I can fall into the trap of feeling I have so much I can do, that I do nothing, and end up scrolling mindlessly or doing something that is not a valuable use of my time. I mean I do want to leave this job so now is the perfect time to get prepared. I was beating myself up about it today. This could be tied to some GAIL, but I can’t really figure it out. Could it be I believe I am bad at managing my time? Or am I facing my gremlin, that wants me to continue being unproductive. Or is a transition to a more remote/ free schedule just an incredibly difficult transition to make? I know many around the country are quarantined and may be going through this same change. I am a type 6, so I do love structure and I know if I write out a schedule on the calendar I most likely will follow it. But I am playing the scenario, that it is just too tedious, and maybe I will get overwhelmed. Building a routine to focus on my priorities has been something I have wanted to implement, and now that I have the time it seems harder.
Hi Again!
I took some time to think about my CDFs showing up in my life. Mainly my job, but also trying to bring some awareness to where it is showing up outside of work. Currently I work in a miserable, souless job, but as I have thought about it there are CDFs getting met, for the most part. I have stability in knowing where my money is coming from, and feeling while not being paid well, I can still get by. Connection, I am able to connect with coworkers everyday, and learn there stories and, what drives them in there work, and honestly I love it. Seeing someone light up when they talk about a product they designed or a cool project they are working on, gives me great pleasure. I almost thrive off others passions for things. I work in a department where I am part of a team but I manage my own space, so I have independence/ space and am not micromanaged like the rest of my team. This is one of the happiest parts for me. I don’t get much joy from my work – except the interactions I have with people, or the time I can take to walk around, we are on the water so sometimes I just go and sit there. I realized recently why I am so miserable – one they don’t pay me enough, so, especially in regards to money I am always concerned about a big expense coming up and wiping me out or putting me further into debt. 2. is the lack of integrity of the company I work for. Someone asked me recently if my company offered me a management position to boost my job status would I take it? And for the first time in a long time with absolutely clarity I said no. I don’t want to feel dead inside and, I know some people laugh at us millennials for not working in a job that just doesn’t align, but it truly doesn’t even with the other CDFs matching in some degree.
In my life outside of work I am trying to bring awareness to how my CDFs are showing up. In finding space, I love running, so I have committed to myself to run every Saturday, and as it gets lighter adding some more days in. Finding joy in little things, something as simple as a blue sky after a week of rain brings me joy. I have a lot of GAILs around connecting deeply with others, but I am trying to get better at it, things as simple as reaching out to an old friend, or just going to a happy hour to complain about our crappy work situation with a fellow coworker. Just having some awareness has helped me tremendously. Feeling grateful for the things that I do have, outside work, and the fact that my work situation could be worse, so I can’t complain too much, I will find something else eventually.
I’ve been working on the money issue as well. I didn’t realize I had all these GAILs around that too. I grew up with parents on opposite ends of the spectrum, My Dad was a spender and my Mom was the saver. I probably fall somewhere in between. I have never felt like I’ve made enough, and feel one step from slipping further down. So I play the what if game a lot. I used to avoid budgeting, but it is something I have to do. I now keep track of most everything. I have no spend weeks, as my goal is to really pay down some debts, but it comes at a big cost for me, I feel I can never really do anything for myself. I would love to plan a trip or weekend getaway, but always deal with the fear of wow that will really set me back and I will have to work more to pay it back. I also work to save money, but a lot of times it becomes a cycle of saving or not spending to try and get ahead. I remember thinking about signing up for this course, I knew it would be an expense, but in the long term I knew what I would be learning would be more valuable than the sunk cost, and would pay for itself. Like you said, sometimes it doesn’t make logical sense, but I’ve just got to break some of these barriers. Though most of the time it feels like survival mode to try and get a handle on it. Thank you again ladies for planting the seeds!
Hello All,
I may write a novel but I will try not to, lots to get to. First thank you all for sharing your experiences, they have been helpful to see that we all are dealing with similar things. I have been following a long and wanting to post, so many questions and thoughts have come up over the last 3 weeks. As soon as week one began, shining a light on my GA|IL’s it became like an amplifier to all the things that I have pushed back over the years. The thoughts and fears that have had me just going on through life, afraid to take the next steps. So as I began digging in, my Gremlin was like hold on a minute there buddy where are we going with this? Digging deep? You can’t do that, that’s scary. You’re nice and happy here – except I’m not. So as scary as it is to put this out there: this is about the safest place to do it! Plus I am here, so that is a step in itself.
Some of the GAILS I came up with: I need more experience in the workforce, there is no way I can do x,y,z. You have to sacrifice your needs and wants for others, that is true service. Don’t be selfish. You need money to travel and just enjoy life. Can’t find a job that excites me, I have to start at the bottom rung if I really want to get into a field that fascinates me. I’ve failed in job interviews, before so I’m just going to be stuck in my current role and never find anything! I can’t connect with people. Ugh its a lot to to be carrying around all the time, but now at least I know it is there!
Next I did a couple Gremlin Dialogues: Quite fascinating as well. Here goes:
(I had applied to an internal role at my company, and I was absolutely sure I was qualified and had even been told I should apply for the role by multiple people, whelp I got a form letter on a Saturday saying thanks but no thanks. It was a crushing blow which sent me towards this dialogue.)
Gremlin: You are trapped and nothing is going to work out.
Me: Okay, you’ve been here before and something eventually happens.
G: But, what if it doesn’t, what if I’m stuck here forever?
Me: Forever is a long time!
G: You didn’t get accepted for an interview, this always happens.
Me: Maybe they had someone else already chosen and they just had to post the role.
G: Yes but your experience isn’t enough.
Me: We don’t know that, we need some evidence.
G: This keeps happening!
Me: Yes, I see that but at the very least I am not giving up and am taking small actions, always moving forward.
This helped calm me down, I was still saddened and disappointed that I didn’t get called in for an interview, but I am feeling that perhaps this door was not the correct door for me.
(A second dialogue I had was based on, the feeling I am feeling behind in the course. I have been reassured by the e-mails to go at my own pace, but it still comes up so here goes.)
G: You’re not doing enough in the course and are already falling behind.
Me: Okay, what’s going on here?
G: It feels scary to dig in!
Me: Okay, but your own pace is fine.
G: You won’t be able to ask good questions.
Me: Are you sure? Let’s keep digging in and see as they present themselves, something is bound to pop up!
G: Maybe I just don’t get it and won’t ever change.
Me: You are here and that is a start! I count that as a win.
G: I guess so, but what if I don’t finish or don’t learn anything.
Me: I can guarantee you will learn at least one thing and may even enjoy it!
A big thing for me has been making the time, even if it is 10-15 minutes set aside a night. I resist for a while, until I brake some unseen barrier and then the thoughts begin to flow. I have been struggling with resistance of sitting down with CDFs but I have been making slow and steady progress. Some time ago as I began my personal development journey I worked on figuring out my values, some I believe are things that are just not being met, as Rachel mentioned about respect in the video. A value that is huge for me is Stability, and that may be because I really don’t have a whole lot of it going on right now. Anyway my values as I see them are
Stability (Grounded,steadfast, and strong in my beliefs and knowledge of myself, knowing where I stand, a job and paychecks that are guaranteed each day, knowing what I’m doing every day)
Connection (meaningful relationships, especially deep 1:1 relationships, understanding others, staying connected to old friends and colleagues)
Space (running, outdoors, nature, alone time, vastness of the universe)
Joy (finding joy in little moments when things aren’t going well, taking in moments and experiencing them, living in the present)
Integrity (standing up for what is right, fighting for others, bringing whole self to whatever I do)Would you consider these CDFs, or should I continue to fight resistance and see if I can get a level deeper? These resonate with me in a huge way, just not sure if more feelings could be found. Anyway this chapter of my novel is complete. I have more, but it’s enough for now. Thanks for sticking with my thought pattern. It has been really challenging especially feeling like I am fighting myself, and have been getting in my own way for a long time! Also should I begin to watch the money videos even though I felt I haven’t fleshed CDF out completely? It really helps seeing all this, writing is so cathartic for me. wow
Hi Everyone,
I am excited to get started. I have nearly completed the Short Course and am looking forward to digging deeper. I am a type 6, Tribe Member/ Thriver – It varies and I am still working it out, I aim to be part of a mission driven organization and thrive on connection. But at the end of the day I am ready to check out and do my own thing. I don’t live to work but am seeking work that is fufulling and makes me feel like I am part of something bigger. I also as I have found out recently hate being tied to a clock.
I came to this course looking to go even deeper. I have been putting in the efforts to know really understand myself better. I have felt life has been happening to me and at times I have really felt lost in what and where I want to be headed. I had dreams out of college that never came to fruition, I wanted to save the world and do everything for everyone, and have spent the last decade trying to get my shit together. I am trying to find my why! My work doesn’t align with me and I feel I have been in a holding pattern blaming things like the economy or thinking that maybe other people just have it figured out or that I am just doomed to mediocrity. So I needed help to get to that next level, trust myself and put myself and my goals first. It’s time to get on with life!
