Reply To: Ask the experts
I hope this turns into an actual question.
Learning how to identify my CDFs has been mind blowing. I can see clearly now how/why my previous and current job situations have not felt like a good fit. I can make them “work” for a few years, but then get the itch that it’s just not right. Knowing my top 4 CDFs: balance, engaged, purpose, interested, I am able to identify ways to achieve balance and engagement in my current work/life situation, but it’s difficult to find ways to feel purposeful/interested. Years ago, I was not able to find ways to be balance or engaged either, but with counseling and identifying ways within the job to find engagement, I have been more successful. But no matter what job I’ve worked at (in my current field of special education), I haven’t been able to find it purposeful. Although many of my coworkers seem to be excited and/or find the job purposeful (as we are helping an underserved population), it continues to be difficult for me. Sure I can also find ways to make it interesting because I love to learn, but it’s nothing that keeps me interested for too long.
I so badly want to compare this to relationships. Second to my “baggage,” I have experienced several long term relationships that I wanted so badly to work, but never felt right in the end. Either they had nothing I wanted in a partner, or they had everything but I had nothing they wanted in a partner. We were just never a good fit. After going through counseling and learning about my baggage, how to manage it, what to keep and what to get rid of, I learned how to identify some characteristics that were non-negotiable in a significant other. I have now found a wonderful partner, who has most of my non-negotiables (well except one, but we are both aware of it and have identified ways to work with it), and some other qualities I didn’t know I needed. And to no surprise he was not “my type” from the start. Anyway, is it wrong to compare the two? Partners and jobs/careers. I find that with him, all of my CDFs I want out of a relationship are met, so it makes the less important qualities much easier to be around. (if that makes sense). Because deep down our core values are met, we can work around the little things and compromise better.
Have I gotten to a question yet? I guess I”m asking, is the “dream job” going to meet all of our CDFs? or will it only hit a few or should we identify non-negotiable CDFs and less important CDFs? And should we identify life non-negotiables, such as I only want to live here, so I only look for jobs here. vs. I want this type of job and can live wherever/am willing to move for it? Or can we find some of our CDFs like balance and engaged can be met at work, and then we can get involved in things outside of work that can make us feel interested and purposeful?
Thanks for listening. Any and all answers are appreciated.