Reply To: Ask the experts
Thanks for sharing a gremlin dialogue and some of your GAILs here. I know it’s not fun or pretty to look at the messages your GAILs are telling you all day/every day, but it’s the first step in starting to respond differently. So you’re already making HUGE strides by recognizing these GAILs in the first place!
I agree that there’s definitely a theme around productivity and time management in your GAILs, and Judy likes to connect those things with your worth. I loved how in your gremlin dialogue you didn’t yell or fight with Judy, but I did notice that you agreed with her quite often. I wonder if you could try infusing just a bit more self-compassion into your conversations with Judy. For example, when Judy says, “You only ran 2 miles today,” you could say something along the lines of, “Yes, I prefer to run more when I have time, but at the end of the day, the number of miles I run has nothing to do with how lovable or worthy I am.”
At the end of the day, Judy is just scared of you feeling not good enough and not lovable. So it’s not about the time management or the number of miles you ran or how organized you are — those things won’t actually soothe what’s REALLY scaring Judy. Judy needs reminders that it’s OK to do your best and sometimes fall short, and it doesn’t affect your worthiness as a human being deserving of love (first and foremost, from yourself!).
This is SUCH a hard thing that so many of us struggle with. Judy (just like all gremlins) is just trying to protect you because she thinks if you can get closer to being “perfect,” then you’ll be worthy. But honestly, there’s no such thing as “perfect enough” for a gremlin to be reassured. It needs to know that it’s good enough even when it’s NOT perfect (which is always, because we’re all just mere humans!). Easier said than done, I know, but that’s the work! 🙂 We’re all practicing it together.
Thanks for so openly sharing your GAILs!