Hey Mary! You’re always welcome to rant. I’m sorry that you didn’t get this position, and I think it’s very understandable that you feel your confidence has taken a hit lately. I believe that struggling (and sometimes falling short) to reach our goals is a necessary part of life, but it often doesn’t feel good when you’re in the middle of your journey, which you very much are. I always think of Thomas Edison creating 1,000 versions of the lightbulb before one actually worked. And now it’s easy to forget about allllllll the trials and errors that came first, in light of (bad, unintentional pun, lol) his ultimate success. But he needed those trials to figure it out! And I’m sure he got frustrated in the middle, too. And probably wanted to give up many times.
I’m glad you’re going to see your therapist, too! Having someone to vent to is usually very helpful.
One last thing — it sounds like you’re trusting a lot in your own power right now, which is natural. But (at least this is what I believe) you’re not alone, in a larger sense. The weight of making life work out for you is not solely on your shoulders. In times like these, I like to “outsource” my problems to the Universe itself. I make a list with a title like, “The Universe is my CEO” or “my recruiter” or even “my matchmaker” and list the things that I want to happen, or problems that feel impossible to solve, and conclude by putting it in the hands of a force bigger than me, who can see possibilities that me, in my limited human capacity, just can’t quite fathom.
There IS a 9 or 10 out there. There IS an ideal situation for you. Even if you can’t quite see how it’s going to happen, it CAN happen. But sometimes we need to get out of our own way and LET it happen. And outsourcing to the Universe is a fun way to release your grip on the outcome and relax a little in the knowledge that something else is taking care of the hardest, most confusing parts on your behalf.
Maybe that’s your style, maybe not. It’s OK if it doesn’t resonate! Just thought I would share. 🙂